Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
