Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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