i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
