in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
