I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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