Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
