my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're a waste of cheezeits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
