I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
