i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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