I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we should paint friendship bongs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
And then he peed in my hair
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