oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
