Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
