tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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