Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
