Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
