Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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