Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
