from now on my penis is your penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
