The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my poor anus
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
