You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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