I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
