the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That accounts for only three of the penises
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
