we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
