I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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