Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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