Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How's work?
Spinning.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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