I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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