dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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