you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
