i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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