My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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