A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
