I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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