you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
