Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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