she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
