Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Rumble strips road head = magical
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
