Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
