weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
