The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
