The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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