I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
