dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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