My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my shit smells like andre
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
