oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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