first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm always down for nudity.
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