I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
