My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
