I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
