You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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