i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
