How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
