dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
