What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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