Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
