god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
