Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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