Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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