STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
