I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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