Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did I show you my penis last night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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