I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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