North Korea, Best Korea!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
