You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
