Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
