I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
