i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
