would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
