My nipple is on Facebook.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
