Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
