I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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