I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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