You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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