Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize