K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
