Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
