she woke up with a sticky ear
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize