Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
