tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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