youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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