break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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