I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
