i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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