That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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